Pre-Dive Buddy Check

Scuba divers are encouraged to complete a Buddy Check before every dive. The steps are summarized in the acronym, BWRAF (Buoyancy, Weights, Releases, Air, Final OK). See you learn something new everyday :)

For the purposes of this piece, BWRAF will stand for Boardroom, Walk, Road Trip, Ayyy-we’re-on-the-same-team, Flow.

As a venture capitalist, I would meet with entrepreneurs & executives to discuss their businesses. It was a relationship-building exercise, as well as an exchange of information. It was its own flavor of Deep-See Diving.

The entire endeavor required trust. To make it transactional would helplessly shackle ourselves to the surface-level. I needed these people to trust me, but I couldn't make them, per se.

I leaned on my youthful innocence to get me most of the way, but even this elevated, charming spirit didn't always do the trick. I had limited time in these meetings to do the trust-building. And I was doing it in a situation where my conversation partner often had their guard up.

So, what did I learn coming out of these numerous conversations?

Well, I could ramble on here, but here's one of the most important lessons that I carry into my personal relationships: Move (or at least face) the same direction, no matter what you're doing.

Obviously this isn't conducive to every setting. But, whenever possible, this tactic helps engender a spirit of collaboration, rather than confrontation.

Facing the same way makes it easier to flow in conversation. It feels like we're crafting a conversation together, rather than running an interrogation against each other.

So, whether in a boardroom or the coffee shop, I make it a point to sit on the same side of the table. Even though this might feel awkward at the beginning, I've found that the alternative of a head-to-head face-off of unrelenting eye contact does something to our animalistic brains that creates the perception of an unwanted interrogation. Granted, eye contact can signal attention, but a heavy dose can put someone on the defensive, especially when the conversation covers sensitive questions.

I've had countless deep conversations on road trips. Conversations flow naturally in the car because we're facing the direction, we're headed the same direction, and there's no doubt that we're on this journey together.

Same deal with coffee walks (although caffeine-based beverages are not required). While walking, we're facing & flowing the same way. We can match our walking to the pace of our exchange. Hello, Flow State!

Where would you be more inclined to open up?

• Relaxing back in recliners next to a crackling fire

• In a fluorescently-lit basement where you're facing off with a lawyer

Living room vibes aren't always available, but it’s still possible to create the conditions for connection. And it’s easier to get on the same page when we feel like we're on the same team.