A Dramatic Acting Class

In my acting class, I was doing the Meisner Technique with one of my classmates. We found ourselves in a repetitive routine of saying:

Trent: “You’re frustrated.”

Partner: “I’m frustrated.”

T: “You’re frustrated.”

P: “I’m frustrated.”

T: “You’re frustrated.”

P: “I’m frustrated!!!”

T: “Yeah, you’re frustrated.”

P: “YEAH! I’M FRUSTRATED!!!”

As his temperature boiled over, I let out a response that felt entirely authentic:

T: “Woah… You’re being dramatic.”

He broke the repetition and really let me have it (while stating the obvious):

P: “YEAH!!! THIS IS ACTING CLASS!!!”

He had a point…

This was acting class. And I guess the point was to “Be dramatic,” as we learned the art of drama.

But, in that moment, I was calm, cool, collected, and we were also instructed to “Be authentic” in our responses. His heightening emotions just weren’t having an effect on my internal state. So, since I wasn’t flustered by his escalating frustration, I kept my composure and responded with what was honest.

In the post-exercise review, I was informed by our teacher that my response was “wrong.” That I “should be bothered”by his reaction. Otherwise, I wasn’t giving him much to work with.

And, in that moment, with that instruction, I realized that acting class - at least this acting class - might not be for me.

I’ve invested a lot of energy & attention over the past few years to tame my reactionary, primitive, dramatic mind.

• Meditating

• Breathing exercises

• Writing Morning Pages

All this in an effort to quiet my mind so that I can guide my perception and reaction in a way that’s…

Aligned with who I aspire to be

Aligned with the natural instincts of my True Self

Aligned with my intention of being less reactionary amidst life's daily challenges

I was acting unbothered by his actions… because I was. I didn’t meet his frustration with anger of my own, because calm was what I authentically felt. That’s what “I was giving him.” But, that’s not what he wanted.

He wanted to be seen for his frustrations by seeing me share in his frustrated state.

His frustration compounded when he saw that he wasn’t having an impact on me.

But, it’s not that I didn’t see his frustration, it’s that I’ve resolved to NOT meet frustration with further frustration. I’ve decided NOT to validate fear with further fear. I’ve opted to NOT meet excess complaining with more complaints. Because I don't believe this reaction improves the situation or the state of my partner.

My natural response was to deescalate the situation before moving forward. (Now I see that calling him “dramatic” wasn't the best tactic to service that intention. Repeated 10 times, it’d probably carry the same success rate as telling a spouse to “Calm down” in an argument.)

Granted, I’d venture to say that “Deescalating conflict” isn’t the intention of acting class, but I was just following orders to “Be authentic.”

After all, we were two people in a classroom in a comfortably-regulated building in New York City. We were both safe & healthy. We had enough free time & discretionary money to take an acting class. He was getting all flustered because I was repeating a phrase that called him “frustrated” (which was true). All things considered, the whole interaction seemed so inconsequential. So, for me to get any more riled up would have been dramatically disingenuous.

Maybe that’s the downside of adopting this thing called, perspective.

The problems of the day just seem so insignificant in the grand scheme of existence. This point of view leads me to sometimes get accused of being “lifeless”, “emotionless”, or even, “sociopathic”, because I’m unbothered by other peoples’ dramatic reactions.

But, when I zoom out on my life, most complaints just don’t really resonate.

Don’t get me wrong - I find myself complaining ALL THE TIME. But, I have tactics that I use to remind myself to shift to gratitude and refocus on the fact that I’m already living in the bonus.

So, as I deepen this practice, it might mean foregoing classes intended to drum up drama. And it might mean braving the accusations that were probably also hurled at the Stoics.

In closing, I’ve learned that sometimes it’s best to withhold a reaction, even if it is authentic.

Earlier this year, I was on a phone call with a mentor, who was reprimanding me for mistakes I'd made. As his frustration with me reached a fever pitch, he called me "a criminal" and "a thief."

He wasn’t wrong. Just like my acting partner, he had a point. His comment was valid, even if I felt like he was being a bit dramatic.

Fortunately for both of us, I withheld that commentary. Even though his words cut deep - really, really deep - and Little Trent wanted to scream at the injustice of the hypocrisy, I held my tongue. Because I knew that snapping back at his name-calling would only serve to escalate the situation. I didn’t want to compound his rage. So, I just said, “I hear you”, in an attempt to validate his emotions.

In holding back my authentic response (of getting enraged myself), I wasn’t intending to ignore his emotions or my own. I just didn’t want to layer on more fuel to an already-burning inferno... at least until temperatures cooled.

I don’t blame him for letting me have it. He had every right to choose his reaction. I simply decided to choose my reaction too.