Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

Consider this my gift to you. I’m gonna give away all my secrets. Because I want to share what I’ve learned. Because everything I have was given to me. And, because, at the end of the day, we’re all on the same team.

So, unwrap your gift this morning and any future day when you might need a dose of inspiration. After all, the bests gifts are “the gifts that keep on givin’.”

Below is the full script for the Season Finale of the Love News Network. Was it written before it was recorded or improvised on the fly? Were all of these connections intentional or did some dots only make sense when looking back after the fact? I’ll do my best to show you what I saw. But, ultimately, you can be The Judge. After all, your perception is yours to own.

The Finale was filmed on December 11th. So, I've had a couple weeks to reflect on what the Love News Network experience meant to me. My takeaways follow the script. Please excuse the verbosity, but I don’t expect you to read this in the first place. I wrote this as a True Selfish gift to myself. I was met with a surge of Insights once I opened up the floodgates of honesty. This process of reflection was the final act of catharsis following a gut-wrenching, soul-screaming, gut-trusting, soul-expanding metamorphosis.

See the links for the sometimes strange — and certainly excessive — callback references. ”For your reference”, you may need to hit-a-click in order to understand the often-rogue connections. I could tell you that “Everything is connected”, but I figured I’d show you instead…

Thank you for gifting me your attention :)

The Season Finale Script

Hello & Welcome to the Season Finale of the Love News Network. I’m your host, T. Happy.

Today’s top story is Perception. In a full circle moment, we’re gonna kick off today’s show and end this season, by talking about the weather.

When it rains we go running baby! This is a perception borrowed from Josh Waitzkin, who, rather than complain about the rain and the bad weather, would always bring his son out and go play in it. So, now, I made it my own. And when it rains, we go running.

I could see the seagulls as greedy or as majestic.

I could see the leaves as a nuisance that makes the path all slippery. Or I could see them as something to catch.

I could see really big boats as something to envy. Or as a reminder to row, row, row in the direction that matters to me.

I could see a pier as a bridge to nowhere. Or I could see it as a great opportunity to take a deep breath.

Grow, grow, grow!

I could see a museum or a reminder that we all Contribute to the Collective.

I could see the leaves as something to blow or something to catch.

Ohhhh!

These guys are really letting go right here. Gonna see if I can get one.

This guy’s just nuts.

He’s nuts too!

I could see the wind as a chilly breeze. Or as a reminder of my late friend, Henry. And of a force greater than me.

I could see it as just a playground. Or as a reminder to not take life too seriously.

Guess he’s protecting his nuts.

Ohhhh! Ahhhh! Dang it!

Ahhhh!

Now he’s just nibbling on his nuts.

Looks like the leaves are just waving and taunting me. I’m ready. I’m ready!

He’s all fueled up on nuts and now he’s got a whole buncha energy.

Hey try gratitude as fuel too!

It’s funny how whenever I try to catch my leaf, it never works for me. It’s gotta be spontaneity baby.

Some might just see a bridge. I see a bridge of connection.

I could see myself as a lowly pauper. Or the king of the castle! Woooohooohooo!

Piss dawgs. Anything better than taking a leak in nature?

I could see my little boat as not enough. Or I could just continue to row, row, row.

Mile 11. I could see these miles as just something to get through. Or I could use ‘em as a checkpoint for gratitude. On this mile, I’m grateful for all the parks in New York City. Central Park. High Line. West Side Highway. They’ve been the setting for a lot of great memories for me.

Is it a tourist trap? Or a Christmas village?

Speaking of... Times Square. Is it a place to get pickpocketed? Or inspired?

And there ya have it folks! The Half Empty Half Full Half Marathon. Now I could’ve just made this another workout, but instead, I decided to make it a new tradition. Much like the Turkey Tenner with Art of Gathering guru, Andy. And no, I don’t just use my Strava to track miles. Instead, I see it as another vessel for creativity.

Trains, planes, and automobiles! Look, I could see travel as a burden. Or I could see it as an opportunity for a journey, whether solo with honesty. Or with my travel buddy.

Piss dawgs.

Just caught my leaf on the walk home. In the heart of the city, no less. When you least expect it.

Some might see this as just a simple sidewalk.

Ohhhh!

But I see it as a perfect place for yoga.

Some might see a dirty car. But I see an expert leaf catcher. Another reason I love the rain… I see it as a car wash for the city. Very necessary.

Am I seeing my opportunity to create a positive ripple?

Do I see this as litter-al garbage? Or a chance to Contribute to the Collective? Wasn’t whole milk.

Do I see shaving as an inconvenience? Or some nice alone time for reflection?

I could see a goatee as a way to impress somebody. Or as a facial hair statement piece.

I could see my skin care routine as overly basic. Or an exercise in simplicity.

I could see a mini trampoline as a kid’s toy. Or a joyous part of the morning routine.

I could see a Post-It note as a place for my extensive to-do list.

Or as a way to make somebody’s day.

For you.

Thank you.

I can choose to see a barista as a stranger. Or as a new friend.

And I could see a latte as an overpriced coffee. Or an adult glass of I am Whole milk.

I could see pooping as something to be embarrassed about. Or a victory to be celebrated.

Happy Poop Day!

Woooo!

I could see a crosswalk as a pedestrian protector. Or a dance floor.

Or a way to jump around like Elf and spread some Christmas cheer.

I could see these things as a gluten-filled pastry. Or a Stoic reminder of what I control.

I could see my neighborhood as simply the place that I live. Or the setting of a wild nature documentary.

I could see those things as gourds. Or as a reminder that sometimes we fall. And we’re all still Whole.

I could see Raul as just my barber. Or a reliable homie, who covers my blind spots.

My brother! Yo!

What up!

What’s up bro! How you been bro?

I could be bothered by the cold.

Or be stoked to take a cold plunge in the air.

I can see the stairs as a dark place where secrets hide.

Or as an opportunity to get better, as I prepare for my climb.

I could see grocery shopping as an expensive errand. Or something our ancestors would be absolutely stoked to participate in.

I could see avocados as a source of good fats. Or a tasty way to break the fast.

I could see celery as negative calories. Or as a reminder to fill up on that SOUL FOOD baby!

Public Enemy #1 of the Gluten-Free Lobby.

I am Whole milk.

I can be disgusted by spoiled milk. Or I can throw out those expired beliefs & get new ones that work for me.

After all, gotta have some fridge space for cottage cheese.

I could bring a pumpkin pie to Friendsgiving. Or deep questions about gratitude & spirit animals.

I can choose to buy pumpkin muffins. And then just eat the top.

I can see tortillas as a critical ingredient for a burrito. Or a sign that I have something to prove.

I can be pissed about lugging all these groceries home in the rain. Or I can be grateful to get another workout in for the day.

I could see a smoothie as a boring meal replacement.

Or an everyday delightful indulgence.

Mmmm delicious.

I could see this dirty dish as a must-do in the moment. Or… I could just choose to soak it.

I could be pissed off like a piss dawg when I wake up at 4AM. Or I could be grateful to the Source for gifting me inspiration.

I could see this long sleeve as a random garment.

Or the jersey for a team worth joinin'.

Because love always wins at the end of the game.

I could see a whiteboard as a blank slate, reminding me that I have nothing to say.

Or a way to give flowers away.

I could see a painting as a piece of art. Or as a reminder to take a leap of faith.

I could see a palm tree as a plant. Or as a symbol of my self-worth.

And a sign that everything is connected.

I could see my whole apartment as a reminder of the time that I got ripped off by an angsty broker.

I see it as a personal prison!

Or as a personal retreat center. A place for creativity. Or as the backdrop of the Love News Network.

Look, I created this network because I wanted to share the GoodNews, amidst our 24-hour-Jack-Bauer-BadNews Cycle.

Honestly, I got tired of sitting on the sidelines as an all-star spectator. But I didn’t try to run a marathon all at once. I just started with 1 video and continued making slow & steady progress.

I stopped waiting for a permission slip to be signed. I remembered that my Momma loved me enough to birth me. Then, I used that gratitude as fuel to break through the barrier & run a full 40.

I stopped being plagued by the Sunday Scaries. I used my days to get outside, maybe go to a concert… or just take a lil Sunday Saunter.

I stopped seeing Mondays as another day for routine misery. I chose to DoSomethingHard and learn from the pain & suffering.

I stopped waiting until Friday to have fun wit it. I woke up & had the Best Day Ever… just like I did in Miami baby.

I stopped seeing New York as a city that didn’t fit me. Instead, I reframed it as this News Network’s setting.

This ”Just Do It” attitude translated to all areas of my life. I stopped complaining that my family lives a coast away from me. I just hit ‘em up on FaceTime & now I’m excited for the holidays.

But I didn’t do any of this alone. Sure, I saw my iPhone as the primary tool at my disposal. But it wouldn’t have been possible without the support from my family, inspiration from other artists, & the participation of all those co-star cameos. These were like the water stations & phone chargers in the making of this show.

Because, trust me, it can get hard to ignore the PBJComments. But I stopped seeing social media as a way to get likes & level up my status. I started using social media as way to inject a positive charge into the system. And I only did it by letting go of being perfect.

So, here’s a question for your consideration: “As you’ve been watching the Love News Network have you been seeing a guy who’s totally nutty? Or a squirrel who’s fueled on gratitude & positivity?”

Because as my friend Evan once told me, “It’s a razor thin line between a psychological breakdown and a spiritual awakening.”

I know your perception is yours to own. But I want you to know that I made the choice to embrace my weirdness. And no, I’m not just talking about my California accent.

But, I have to ask: “As I shared these stories and I became the message, did my weirdness captivate your attention? And did you have some fun while watching it?”

By the way, whenever I feel like I have Deja vu, whenever I feel like “I’ve seen this before”, then I’ve learned to listen. Because I’ve learned that this often means the Universe is tryna tell me something.

So until tomorrow, thank you for watching. Thank you for gifting me your most precious resource… attention.

And now that you’ve seen what I see, go create your own reminders. Choose your own perception. And share your own story.

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!

And don’t worry…

Don’t worry.

Don’t worry.

Don’t worry.

F*** you!

Be happy.

I could choose to drop this mic like I drop my attachments. But the truth is, it was never plugged in from the beginning.

Here’s what I learned…

• The script will write itself as I go. Most of the show was improvised. But, I’ll readily admit that some of it was scripted (again, you’re welcome to guess which was which). Even for the scripted portions, they were rarely drafted more than a day in advance. Sometimes, I’d be gifted the topic for an episode, while having zero clue about how the dialogue or scenery would ultimately unfold. In that case, I’d just proceed with living my life, while seeing the world around me through the lens of that day’s episode (see: nature documentary & Contribute to the Collective). Other times, I’d use current events to launch into a broader message (see: country is divided). And, sometimes, I’d wake up in the middle of the night morning with a script just flowing through my dome. So, I’d grab my phone & ramble record it. In all of these cases, I learned to trust that the Universe would conspire to help me (shoutout Alchemist). In the Finale, I had to be present to the seagulls flying, squirrels munching, dawgs pissing, and leaves falling. I couldn’t plan these things in advance. Nature was my co-star and Nature doesn’t take orders. I had to be with what was actually happening. I loved shooting unscripted scenes out in the open, despite the heightened degree of difficulty and the New-York-City-level of unpredictability. Anything could happen! And that’s what made it fun. I learned that the script would ultimately write itself, while over-planning would make the episodes (and my life) unbearably rigid.

• Trust the Source. I take no credit for this creation. I was guided the whole way. For example, in the case of the Finale, I was planning to do my grocery shopping a day prior, until the voice inside me instructed, “Wait until later.” I couldn’t explain why. My fridge was nearly empty and I was hungry, so there was no rationale for the delay. But, I just trusted. Throughout this journey, I’ve learned to NOT search for an answer to “But why?” When issued a directive, I’ve learned to just listen… and trust that the answer will make itself known later. “Eat a peanut butter sando.” “Go running today.” “Order the pharaoh costume for Halloween, even though you were planning on being Mario.” “Now that you have that pharaoh costume in your closet, why don’t you create a character out of it?” From the beginning & every step of the way, I was issued these directives for creativity. And, every time I mustered up the courage to listen & take action, I saw that beautiful things would happen. But, it required complete surrender. I gave full faith & best effort, while the Source provided creative direction. So, like any relationship, the more I gave, the more I received, but not in the way that I gave it. I learned that creativity is compounding because — much like deep-see diving — trust with the Source has proved to be the currency of creativity. The more I opened, the more was given. The more I was given, the more I created. The more I created, the more I trusted…

• High expectations are a creativity-killer. As Frank Herbert wrote & Timothée Chalamet received telepathically, "Fear is the mind killer." If I felt like I had to nail a line or film a scene perfectly, then the whole clip would come out inauthentic. Once I created high expectations, I lost all sense of creative flow. High expectations placed preemptively was an implicit signal that I couldn’t trust the Source! So, the spigot would get turned off. I’d end up blocking myself. So, I had to learn to see these expectations for what they were: Fear that the Final Cut wouldn't be "good enough." I learned to let these fears evaporate and just get back to doing the work. I kept this note to myself pinned as a daily reminder:

• Let go of being perfect. One night when I was leaving the gym, I was filled with frustration that I hadn’t shot a video for the day (“1 post per day” was my October habit). The moment I stopped trying to search for my perfect idea, when I finally surrendered to the notion that I had nothing, I was given exactly what I needed… As I strolled (& sulked) my way towards a Chipotle burrito, I got injected with the idea for the “4 critical secrets to perfection” episode. I shot it on the spot. The video quality against an evening backdrop was horrific. And yet, it was perfect. Turns out, I had to let go of being perfect in order to film a perfectly imperfect video on how to be perfect. Poetic.

• Listen & Take (True Selfish) Action. If I was gifted an idea, then didn't act on it, I would lose it. Judging the directive was a surefire way to dam the flowing river of creativity. The sentiment being, “I just gave you a great idea. If you’re judging that one as ‘not good enough’, then why would I give you another one?” (A sentiment shared by frustrated subordinates everywhere). I had to Listen & Take Action in order to keep building that trusting relationship. For example, when I received the idea for the "1 gratitude per mile" episode, I assumed I’d be shooting it at the Philly Marathon with my friends, Levy & Ben. But then, after hearing about The Great Saunter from bridge-builder, Bracebridge, I felt called to run this route — while using gratitude as fuel — on the upcoming DoSomethingHardMonday. Having Philly circled on the calendar ensured I was in shape for a long run. However, I almost didn’t do it because I was afraid that my friends would call me “selfish” for bailing on the marathon with them (the opposite of assumption of best reaction). But, once I recognized the fear of potential shame, I chose to move through it and be unbothered. I knew that my true friends would want me to Be True Selfish. And True Selfish in this instance was following the creative directive. So, I SENT IT a week early. Levy & Ben ended up being huge supporters of The Gratitude Saunter. Then, a week later, I was stoked to be 1 of their biggest fans for the Philly race. It became a virtuous cycle of Sympathetic Joy and Mutual Support for each others’ (voluntary) suffering. I want to live my life doing what’s important to me, regardless of what other people choose to think of me.

• "All things in good time" has been the paradoxical lesson. Sometimes I’d hear the seed of an idea, but I couldn’t see where to take it. When that was the case, I learned to exercise patience. The seed of the grocery shopping episode was planted more than a week before I ultimately shot it. If I’d tried to force it when I first got it, then the result would’ve been half-baked because many more ideas surfaced during the succeeding “Active Patience period” (shoutout to Ron for that phrase). Over the past 3 months, were there times when I tried to brute force it? You bet! But I’ve learned that those were the times when I needed to “relax back into the flow” the most. When I was spun up & anxious, often the best thing to do was rest, restore, or hit a quick sesh of NSDR. I thought I’d take off for The Gratitude Saunter in the morning. So, I spent most of the day holding hands with my dear friend, Anxiety. One of the reasons I quote the time at the beginning of the run is that I was obsessing about it all day. I was feeling behind schedule… but “behind schedule” for what? For who? Who was I comparing myself to? (Sure, leaving later might mean running for longer in the dark. But, "darkness is my ally... I was born in it.") I’ve learned that being “behind schedule” can be a pervasive feeling on a small scale (“Must hit this run in the morning, otherwise it’ll never get done”) and a large one (“Must be married by 30 so that I can have kids by 32, otherwise I’ll never have a family”). What serves to settle me when I succumb to this misaligned anxiety? Reminders, of course. “Never rush, never cease.” “Patience + Persistence.” Don’t get me wrong — I’m extremely excited to be a Dad like the one I had, but, I’ve come to trust: “All things in good time.”

• Habits are the building blocks for any journey. As I mentioned, October’s creativity directive was “1 post per day”. If the goal from the beginning was "Film 64 episodes over 73 days," then there's no way I would've opted in to that endeavor. The weight of the task would’ve seemed too heavy. So, instead, I committed to shooting 1 video per day for 30 days. That seemed challenging, but doable. I made the inspired commitment to run this experiment. It became an exercise of focusing on small wins. Uploading a video today generated momentum that I could carry into tomorrow. There wasn’t a long-term goal, only a clear intention & a short-term habit.

• Write it. Release it. Producing 1 video per day meant that I didn’t have the ability to obsess over perfection. The velocity required to hit "1 post per day" was like going to rehab for my Perfectionist tendencies. It didn't give me the option to re-shoot a less-than-perfect take tomorrow. I had to make use of the hand I was dealt today. Thus, most of the videos were the product of 1 take, purely out of necessity. I had to just keep moving forward in order to record & edit the full video before daylight ran out. I learned that intentional constraints like this can be liberating. Also, it wasn’t until I released this episode that I’d get a flood of ideas for the next one. I experienced the wisdom from that classic Semisonic song, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” I had to release this episode to clear the mental space for the next one. As Rick Rubin alludes to in The Creative Act: it’s called a "movie release" for a reason… the director must eventually release the film from their grasp. Sure, I could keep re-shooting and perfecting an episode forever. But, eventually, I had to release it and move forward.

• The excuses of why I can’t do something are a figment of my imagination. When I was gifted the idea of a “Positive News Network” in my Morning Pages, my brain went full-blown ScaleUp Mode. I convinced myself that I needed to hire a professional camera crew, a director who actually knew what they were doing, and legit news anchors. This belief was rooted in my Wharton-educated, "everything-must-be-a-billion-dollar-company" mentality. (I’m extremely grateful for this training, but I’ve learned that it’s not the only way to see the world.) Even though I wasn’t chasing money or fame, the loftiness of the goal still proved to be paralyzing. The seed of the idea was planted on July 18th. These hurdles became the reasons why I didn’t start recording for another 2+ months. I didn’t believe I could do it. Then, I finally realized that these were self-constructed roadblocks. I didn’t need anybody else’s permission to begin. Once I woke up to this Reality, I just used the tools at my disposal (read: myself & my iPhone) to start recording. I distributed the videos on Instagram where my “audience” already existed. (My Instagram sat dormant for 2.5 years as I took a detox from social media. So, if this experiment totally bombed, then I had nothing to lose. I could just delete my Instagram and I'd be in the same position as I was before.) So, I rejected the premise that a news network required more than what I already had. I saw the blockers for what they were: excuses. I just did it. Then, I just kept going. In the same way, one Sunday, I took off for what I thought would be a 10-mile run. That morning when I woke up, I wouldn’t have described myself as being in “marathon shape.” However, after running up the West Side Highway, I found myself eyeing the George Washington Bridge and I heard the Source say, “Just go run across. You’ve never done that before. It’ll be fun.” So, I crossed the bridge into Jersey. Once I was there, 12 miles away from home, I was like, “Welp! Now I just gotta back.” (I stand by the claim that "Burn the boats" is an undefeated tactic in pushing one's limits). Then, once I hit the 24 Mile mark, tacking on an additional 2.2 didn’t seem so consequential. Despite feeling like my calves might explode, I shuffled my way to a full marathon (where I got a surprise greeting from The Ax Man at the finish line). Despite not being "ready” for it, despite not eating breakfast before leaving, despite not being in “marathon shape”, I ran a marathon. To quote Picasso, “Everything you can imagine is real"... whether I'm imagining a roadblock or a news show. More than anything, this experience taught me that I can do anything.

• I play a lot of roles. These identities can be an excuse or an enabler.

  • Am I T. Happy? T. Speedy? T. Love? T. Kingin? Or PBJCommenter?

  • Am I a goatee guy or a gratitude guy?

  • Am I a news anchor, an actor, a director, or a writer?

  • Am I a venture capital investor or a happiness investor?

  • Am I a Child or an Adult?

  • Am I a local legend or a beginner?

  • Am I a marathon runner or an all-star spectator?

  • Am I a New Yorker? A Californian? An American? A Canadian? A global citizen?

  • Am I a skier? A surfer? A wakeboarder?

  • Am I a scuba diver or a deep-see diver?

  • Am I a football captain or a football fan?

  • Am I a Fighting Irishman or a Fight On Trojan?

  • Am I a brother? A son? A friend?

  • Am I one of the BOYS or an Outsider?

  • Am I a “Go First” Leader, a Leverage Leader, or just a follower?

  • Am I a gentleman or a scholar?

  • Am I an Eagle Scout or a thief?

  • Am I a hall-of-famer or a washed-up-retiree?

  • Am I a creator or just an admirer?

  • Am I a Miserable Giver or a Selfish Giver?

  • Do I give at all or am I just transactional?

  • Am I a soul trainer, a positive coach, a satisfaction analyst, or a guy who’s cracked the code to happiness?

  • Am I a defeatist or an optimist?

  • Am I a caffeine addict or an alcoholic?

  • Am I exclusive or inclusive?

  • Am I grateful as one?

  • Am I one with nature?

  • Am I a bird, a dinosaur, a fish, or a squirrel?

  • Am I psychologically broken down or spiritually awakened?

  • Am I a superhero or a villain?

  • Am I a Good Samaritan?

  • Am I a Christian? A Buddhist? A Stoic? Do I need these labels? Or can I just “borrow the best” from each and pray in the way that works for me?

  • Am I a man of character or an a**hole?

  • Am I Light Wolf or Dark Wolf?

  • Am I Ego or True Self?

  • Am I cool?

  • Am I good?

  • Am I happy?

  • Who is Trent Buenzli?

• I’ve learned that I can be all of these things and none of these things. Ultimately, I get to choose who I am. I get to choose these ever-changing identities. When it came to filming, I assumed roles that helped me convey the message. I didn’t know how long they’d last or where they were going. I just went with it when I felt that surge of inspiration. I’ve adopted that same approach in my life. Once I decide who I want to be, I can use new identities to enable me. “I am honest.” “I show thanks with thank you notes.” A “surfer” goes surfing ~almost~ every morning. When I wanted to progress at the sport, I told myself I was now a member of Dawn Patrol. This led me to paddle out, no matter the swell.

• Everything is connected. Every bit that got created was the result of trusting the seed of inspiration from the Source, then just building on it. A throwaway line in the last episode could become a whole new bit in the next episode ("Piss dawgs” was a completely uncalled for, 2-second, Pardon My Take reference in The Journey episode that took on a life of its own in the Season Finale). And don’t get me started on the story with Carlos. As Steve Jobs once shared, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward… So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.” I learned to trust that what’s next will be informed by what’s now. But I won’t know what that next thing ought to be until I take this step in the present. I learned to stop trying to plan more than 1 episode ahead. My only task was to collect the next dot. To do the next, most necessary — or random — thing, even if I had no clue where it was going. Why did I film that first squirrel? If you asked me in that moment, my answer would've been, "I don't know. Just seemed funny." It’s like the ole cliché: “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” My version was “What shows up in the Final Cut is the result of intending to shoot something else.” Our lives are anything but disconnected. We build them day-by-day, brick-by-brick. The script of our lives is written in cursive.

• Inspiration can come from anywhere. A haircut. A yacht. A Jacob Sipes Instagram comment. A bagel. Going to the grocery store. Taking a poop. Doing the dishes. Attending a Friendsgiving. Pumpkins… potted pumpkins, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pie, pumpkin spiced lattes (so many pumpkins that people have expressed concern that I have a gourdgeous fetish). I took my first improv class this spring and a 2nd one in the fall. As scary as it was to fall into the abyss of the unfamiliar, I have this training to thank for recognizing the ability to be inspired by — and build on — anything. (Shoutout to Zack & Donald for the positive coaching.)

• Showing is more powerful than telling. I found myself writing notes that looked a lot like scripts for sketches (see: Vinyasa Tacos — shoutout Larry for the inspiration). I woke up to the fact that these writing pieces would come alive and be more fun if someone actually produced them. So, despite my non-existent thespian & director skillset, I figured I’d be the test dummy (and I don’t use that word lightly). After all, “work is love made visible.” So, what better way to make this creative act of love visible, than to make it visual?

• It’s hard to fake happy. One of the most challenging aspects of playing T. Happy was that I wasn’t always happy. Sure, T. Happy's voice is the one I’d hope to hear in my head most of the day. But that just ain’t me everyday. That’s why I instinctually created some other personas to more accurately represent my mental cast of characters (& it's also fun to play dress up): T. Speedy (the racing-everywhere to-do lister), PBJCommenter (the dude who’s always thinking about food), T. Love (the devoted team player), T. Kingin (the angsty ALPHA with a tortilla-sized chip on his shoulder). The movie, Inside Out, inspired this idea. (Side note: one of the most genius films ever created... and the sequel starring Anxiety might be even better than the OG). I’m all of these characters over the course of the day. One of the hardest parts of this whole experience was when I'd get frustrated with myself because I wasn't happy. Classic Expectation Creep. "I should be happy because I play a happy guy on TV.” This led to disappointment with my Reality and only served to further compound my misery (while making it far harder to return to happy). One of the reasons that so many of the episodes are shot while running is because this game tends to release my stress and drop me into the flow. Racing around the West Side Highway quiets my racing mind and enables me to hear the Source more clearly (which is why running is when a whole lotta ideas would come to me). Just to reiterate, I was NOT always happy, even when I was playing a happy guy on TV. (Then again, isn't “I’m good” our favorite lie to tell other people... and ourselves?)

• It's even harder to fake genuine. I have a newfound respect for actors. It's nearly impossible to act authentic. I learned that I just couldn't fake it. Honesty takes work. I don’t expect to be perfect, but I intend to keep practicing. Because I’ve learned that whenever I am honest, it’s always worth it. To counterbalance all the "acting" I was doing on Instagram, I created a TikTok bit (thanks to my friend, Warren, for the suggestion) where I'd share “1 thing I’m grateful for”. Creating these videos required no acting whatsoever. So, this exercise became my method for getting grounded amidst the “always-happy” method acting. (I don’t mind if the US government bans this gratitude platform because I’ll just go back to sharing my gratitudes around the dinner table.)

• Creating is a cure for soul sickness. For anyone who knows the full story of my 2024, they’d know that this year’s been quite a ride. Amidst the turbulence, I heeded Neil Gaiman’s advice: “When life gets tough, this is what you should do: make good art… Make it on the bad days. Make it on the good days too.” You’re welcome to judge whether the finished product is “good art”. However, regardless of the outcome, I can attest to Martha Beck’s claim that “Creativity kills anxiety.” When I was in the flow creating, I was too consumed with the writing or filming to wallow in the woes of my current situation. Instead, I was admitted to the present moment — a place where everything is always at peace. This happened again last week, as I missed my flight home for the holidays. I arrived at the airport seething, ready to throw a temper tantrum since things didn’t go according to plan. I now, also, had 3 hours to kill. Turns out, creativity was the cure. I pulled out the creative tool at my disposal (iPad) and started working on this piece. As I dropped into the writing, I dropped back into my natural state, back in touch with my natural instincts: loving, giving, growing, flowing… creating. (Side note: in the same Neil Gaiman speech, he said, “The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself, that’s the moment… you may be starting to get it right.”)

• Prepare for criticism when sharing anything publicly. Preparing for praise is preparing for disappointment. This experience gave me newfound empathy for public figures & celebrities (but no, I’m not saying I can truly empathize with A-listers). I also learned that doing something different means that a lot of people simply won’t “get it.” I knew I was breaking the rules of social media by being silly. Instagram is a place for the self-aggrandizing, ego-elevating highlight reel. But I chose to use this platform and my powers for something different. How? “I just decided to.” My task was to be unbothered by other peoples’ opinions, trust the Source, and follow orders (even when the instruction was ”front flip into the Hudson”).

• The ego do be crafty. Sometimes I could convince myself that I was living in accordance with my intention to share a positive message, when I was really just showing off to boost my own ego. So, I’d consistently reference a question gifted to me from one of my positive coaches, Adam G.: “Are you promoting your ideas or promoting yourself?” This whole experience was an exercise in learning how to distinguish between the 2 voices: the Source leading me vs. the ego promoting me. Is it the voice of honesty, the one aligned with my True Self? Or is the voice who’s obsessed with climbing the societal hierarchy?

• Doing anything of consequence requires Being True Selfish. With the aid of Julia Cameron’s instruction in The Artist’s Way, I learned how to prioritize my True Self again. Sometimes I had to change plans in order to follow where I was directed. A packed schedule of obligation-based pre-com was like having a boa constrictor wrapped around my neck as the blood flow of creativity drained out of my head heart. That said, I also learned that living my everyday life — grabbing a coffee, supporting a friend, going to the gym, cooking some “dinner” — wasn’t a distraction, especially when done from a place of inspiration. Instead, these everyday activities could become the content of the creation. The best days takes were the ones that just captured what a friend & I were gonna do anyway. We'd just have some fun wit it and inject an extra dose of absurdity.

• Going all-in was the only way to go. When I decided that it was important to share this message, I realized that this wouldn't be possible in the context of a traditional profession. As a member of a company system, I wouldn't be able to speak freely without putting my employer's reputation in jeopardy (hard to take an investor seriously when they're sitting on the porcelain throne & talking about Poop Day). So, something had to give in order to “go all-in”. What gave? I had to go solo to start. I had to Go First and show that this could be done before bringing others into the fold. I didn’t want to drag down anybody else’s reputation with my excessive weirdness & early mistakes. If I did, I knew I’d find myself saying, “I’m sorry” ad nauseam. I wanted unfettered creative freedom from the beginning. So, I departed my past life and made the active choice to start out solo. Despite the loss that followed, I don’t see this departure as an unbearable sacrifice. Another Ron line: “There’s a difference between sacrifices and investments.” He articulated what I felt so deeply. Going all-in was an investment in my future direction.

• Everything is (still) connected. This whole project was the product of the "good" and "bad" things that preceded it... Meeting with Dave in May encouraged me to seriously consider attending a meditation retreat and inspired me to pickup a book that would dramatically expand the TAM of my artistic capacity. The Artist's Way pushed me to start writing Morning Pages. My first session of Morning Pages inspired me to take an honest action that resulted in me getting fired. Getting fired gave me the time to go on an impromptu meditation retreat in June. Being unemployed enabled me to pour myself into the book all summer. Morning Pages planted the seed of this project. The exercises in the book prepared me to execute on it. Attending the meditation retreat trained my superpower of presence. Getting fired — my very public "fall" — decimated my previously-pristine reputation. This made it a heck of a lot easier to jump in front of the camera shirtless, half-shaven, with my heart on my chest. What did I have to lose? I’d already learned firsthand that the “people who mind don’t matter and people who matter don’t mind.” All-in-all, being "retired" gave me the space to actually pursue the project in the fall. So, none of this happens if those "good" AND "bad" things hadn't. Therefore, I'm grateful for everything that's happened. Because everything is connected. I’m not perfect, but the Universe is. My task is just to trust it and keep movin’…

• Forgiveness is the only way forward. Sure, "good" things came out of the "bad" things I did. But, do I wish I could go back and fix those bad things from the beginning? Absolutely! 100%. But I can’t. We don't get redos in this life. So, I came to realize that sitting & sulking in the shame of past mistakes doesn’t do me (or anybody else) any good. The best I can do is learn from my mistakes, commit to not doing ‘em again, apologize to those I hurt & ask for forgiveness, then, forgive myself, and start again (despite the destruction). This process has certainly humbled me. I’ve had a direct confrontation with the fact that “I’m not perfect. I’m still practicing.“ But, I’ve learned to let go of trying to be perfect. Instead, I’m just trying to be good. I’ve had to admit when I was wrong and ask for forgiveness. That forgiveness — the forgiveness I received from others, the forgiveness I showed to myself, and the forgiveness I felt from the Universe — has supplied me with the fuel I’ve needed to move forward in love, rather than shame. I’ve experienced firsthand that shame is a disease, a vicious virus infecting all areas of one's being. The only cure is forgiveness, the medicine for bouncing forward.

• Play like a kid. Turns out, there’s no rule against it. If we were all a bit more childish (& selfish), then I don’t believe our society would descend into anarchy. Sure, critics will turn their nose up at the good-natured fun. But I realized that most of 'em were just frustrated because they’d convinced themselves that they couldn't participate. As soon as they were invited, they joined in on the absurdity & hilarity. Together, we would break the rules of adulthood and return to having fun wit it. I learned that I could leave all that serious grown-up stuff for The Bitter Bunch. Once I arrived in Vienna, I realized that youth is an attitude.

• Shine my light. For as long as I was staying aligned with my intention, then any attempt to elevate other peoples’ spirits, no matter how small, was always worth it.

• I am Whole regardless. I've realized that my self-worth is the same whether I have a million followers or none. I came to realize that these external validators don’t matter to me. I am Whole regardless. And I intend to remember this reminder as I embark on my next endeavor.

Speaking of lessons to remember for the next (ad)venture…

• Take more risks. Looking back, no part of me wishes that I would've “played it safer”.

• Nobody will appreciate this creation (or story) as much as I do... and that’s OK. Nobody else will be able to see the fears I overcame or the effort I put in to bring this vision to fruition. So, I know I’m the only one who can judge the true quality of the work in the end. Because I know when I did my best versus when I cut corners. So, my opinion of an episode is more contingent on whether I feel like I stretched to reach an episode’s "full potential”, as opposed to the external validation (likes & views) from other people.

• Some journeys are meant to be solo, but every other journey is better together. Sometimes, the former is necessary in order to enjoy the latter. Sometimes the self-work is what’s required to get to where I need to go. This year, I’ve needed space to figure out who I want to be. But, as they say…

• Enjoy the view along the way. “Seriously man? Holy cliché!” (But, I’m telling you… there’s wisdom hiding in these old & trite sayings!) Since I didn’t know when this journey would end, I decided to sidestep my tendency to forever delay gratification. Instead, I resolved to enjoy every step of the journey, including the mind-numbing tedium of video editing. I did my best to be unbothered by the garbage. I tried not to get discouraged when I’d make a wrong turn. As hard as it was at times, I didn’t want to “just get through it”… any of it. I wanted to live it. I wanted to enjoy it. And, I realized there’s no use in rushing. Because, Lord knows, there’s always gonna be another summit…

• I’ll be gifted everything I need, as long as I’m living honestly. I learned that my task was is to Be Present, Be (T.) Love, & Be Honest. When I did that in this process, then I was gifted everything I needed: the tools to record & edit, the inspiration for the next episode, the guidance to be unbothered by the criticism, the time & space to create. I was gifted the energy to bring the vision to fruition. I’ve never worked harder than I did on this project, but that’s because it was an inspired labor of love. It was an act of loving my True Self (creating something that mattered to me) and loving the people around me (sharing a positive message). Now, looking back, I see that I was indeed given everything I needed…

• The end will make itself known. I could feel that the show was approaching its Finale for ~2 weeks leading up to this conclusion. However, I continued to trust that I’d be notified which episode would be used to take it to the finish line. It wasn’t until I started filming this last episode that I realized that this would be the one. Once I got back to my apartment after the Half Empty Half Full Half Marathon, I noticed how many callback references I'd already made. I then realized that it might be possible to make a reference to every past episode, if only I kept going. So… I did. And what better way to conclude a project than drawing a circle back to the beginning? So, in closing, as Oliver Burkeman shares in Four Thousand Weeks, “To be, for a human, is above all to exist temporally, in the stretch between birth and death, certain that the end will come, yet unable to known when.” We live… then we die. The dying is what gives the living significance.

Live Unscripted

The script wrote itself as I dropped into the present moment

I used the tools at my disposal

I tapped into my superpower called presence

I just slowed down, opened my eyes, and noticed

I trained my attention to see the reminders I’d created

As well as the reminders I’d been gifted from others

The show goes to show…

Where we direct our attention —informs—> our perception

Our perception —informs—> our actions

Our actions —build—> our habits

Our habits —write—> our story

So, what’s required of me?

Drop into the flow

And trust that the Source will show me where to go

Full faith & pure presence is all it takes

And yet…

Full faith & pure presence is everything

To reiterate…

I take credit for none of this

I was just the empty vessel fulfilling the message

The Source gifted everything to me

I’ve been given everything I need

So, until tomorrow…

Don’t wait until tomorrow

Begin your journey today

But, in the meantime,

Thank you for reading

Thank you for watching

Thank you, once again, for gifting me your attention

Thank you for seeing me, no matter which version of me you chose to perceive

And…

Don’t Worry

Be Happy