I saw a trail sign when I was a hike last summer:

It got me thinking...

The moment I layer on expectation, I'm setting myself up for disappointment

Call it expectation

Call it attachment

Call it “the plan”

But the moment I create it, is the moment I become beholden to it

Anything short of that expectation means suffering in some fashion

It’s a simple equation really:

Tactical Happiness

I’ve realized that I’m more content when I have lower expectations of people. And I’m the most content when I have no expectations at all. If they do something kind and exceed my low / no expectations, then it’s all upside. Their kind act generates a sense of bonus happiness for me.

Expecting less of people doesn't mean that I think they’re “bad” or "wrong" in some way. It’s just a tactical move to preserve my own happiness.

Some might say: “You should have high expectations for the way people treat you.”

My reply: “Why? What’s to be gained by that, aside from giving my Judge extra time on the stand?”

Up until the point that they meet my high expectations, then I’ll be disappointed. How does this benefit me? If I'm solving for happiness, then I'm preparing for failure.

Should we split it?

For example, I often don’t expect another person to pick up the tab when I’m out at a restaurant. I set the expectation as “I’ll cover my own food.” Then, when the check arrives, I’m not disappointed if nobody reaches for their wallet. I’m good. This is what I was “expecting” all along. I cover the check. And then I continue to exist in a state of contentedness.

Now imagine what it looks like if I was out at dinner with someone and I expected them to pay for my meal. Let’s say it was my birthday. I’m setting the expectation in my head of “It’s my birthday, so surely they’ll buy my dinner.” We have a great time - chatting, enjoying good food - then the bill comes...

My friend says “Should we split it?”

I’m heated. My internal talk track spiraling, “How could they be so selfish? I bought their birthday dinner a couple months ago. This is bullsh*t.”

An enjoyable evening tanked due to misaligned expectations. Expectations unmet —> Unhappy Reality.

Memento Mori

The same goes for making plans. When I have no expectations for what "should happen," then I’m down for whatever comes to fruition.

Taken to its extreme, the “no expectation” form of planning is that I don't "plan" on getting gifted even 1 more day of living. A Memento Mori mentality. Then, the simple fact that I woke up in the morning - alive - means that I have every reason to enjoy a joyful existence. Once again, whatever happens today is bonus. Because I didn't Expect to receive this day in the first place.