On Marriage & Kids

My ideal relationship is one where both people are opting in from a place of Inspiration. Whether platonic or romantic, both parties are NOT coming together out of a sense of duty or Obligation. They're in it because they want to be. Being in the relationship feels True Selfish.

This feels obvious to say, but I don't believe a lot of relationships progress this way.

I believe a lot of relationships succumb to the sunk cost fallacy. Inertia — the rut of routine — becomes the overwhelming force keeping the two people from splitting. A breakup feels too painful or too inconvenient to confront.

And so, the uninspired parties surrender to a state of misaligned misery, rather than making the True Selfish decision to go their separate ways.

The natural follow-up question to this idea:

First off, marriage is an absolutely bonkers concept to me. An individual human is already an anomaly in itSelf (pun intended). Each of us has our own set of needs, aspirations, quirks, and visions for our life's ultimate direction. Now, bring 2 people into union and ask that they commit to spending a lifetime together... forever. That's just nutty!!!

All that said, I believe marriage is a beautiful thing. Getting married & creating a family is one of life's most soul-fulfilling adventures.

The beauty of a marriage stems from the "We're all-in & we're in this together" nature of the decision. Thus, it's all the more important that it be an inspired commitment:

When that’s the sentiment, then the couple is preparing for a lifetime of harmony, because they’ll be motivated to play ball from a place of alignment. However, if either person feels even a little bit forced to take the leap, then their reluctance won’t be magically cured by throwing a big party & exchanging rings.

In a similar way, having kids is a MASSIVE decision because it’s irreversible, in that, once the child is born, there’s NO REFUNDS (I could be wrong, but I don't think the science is there to return the newborn to the womb, giving birth is a one-way ticket).

Also, once the baby arrives, there’s sooooooo many responsibilities that come along with caring for 'em. And, as any baby-maker will tell you, the profession of “Parent” becomes a lifelong, albeit LinkedIn-kudo-less, position.

So, if I opt-in to being a parent from a place of inspiration, then, when I'm soaked in vomit or wiping a smelly booty, then I might not love it, but I’ll still be grateful to get to nurture my lil fluid-producer. I’ll be able to remind myself:

Alternatively, if I have kids in order to service a sense of familial or societal obligation, then I'm preparing to forever resent my lil attention-demanding, mayhem-producing, life-consuming burdens.

(Disclaimer: I’m writing this as a single guy with no children of his own. So, feel free to discredit this whole take & call me “selfish” if you think it’s unrepresentative of your experience. I know I'm not the authority here. So, only use the POV if it’s useful.)