Permission to Begin

Oftentimes, when I’m excited about a new endeavor

I start searching for the permission to begin

I go looking for that external validation to inform me that I’m ready

I want to know that I have what it takes to take on the challenge

Some sort of guarantee that I possess the ability

An assurance that I won’t fail at the thing

That everything will end up just how I want it to in the end

But, that sort of seeking is really just an excuse

An excuse to delay the start

A kicking-the-can-down-the-road of the inevitable journey

When I first started writing, I went looking for friends & family to validate my abilities. I wanted to know whether my content was “good enough” to share.

If I “wasn’t any good”, then, at least, I could change direction before looking foolish out in the open.

Maybe I could take a writing class, where I could hone my craft in private?

Maybe I just needed to read more books on the creative process before putting pen-to-paper?

Or maybe I just didn’t have the skill at all? Maybe I oughta just shelve the practice altogether?

I’m grateful that I didn’t listen to that self-doubt in the beginning. I’m grateful that I just hopped on the board and started paddling.

Once I knew this was something I wanted to pursue, in 2023, I set the habit of writing 1 thing everyday.

That was the only expectation. It didn’t have to be “good” or “high quality.”

It was a volume game. I just had to write something.

Once per day, I had to open up my Notes app and drop in.

That proved to be a more effective tactic in building the skill than any academic lesson plan could have taught me. I know I’m not perfect at this art (or anything else for that matter). I know I lack the discipline of crisp sentence structure and polished grammar. But, those things can be refined later. I know I’m still practicing.

I learned that the bigger hurdle was moving through the fear. Building the muscle of actually doing the thing, rather than theorizing about how it will play out once I get going eventually.

This approach runs counter to my A+ Perfectionist personality. I want to know that I’ll be good at something before beginning. I want to be taught all the answers to the test before being quizzed in front of my peers. But, I’ve realized that, when this is my approach, then I’ll always be stuck waiting.

I’ll never have the world’s permission to begin

I’m the keeper of that decision

The permission I seek from others is always within me from the start

I just have to give myself the permission to begin

I’m the only one stopping me from putting pen-to-paper