The Rut of Routine

In my acting class, we were doing the Meisner Technique where you’re face-to-face with your partner and have to repeat exactly what they say (while only changing the pronouns depending on who the phrase is referencing).

Example:

Partner 1: “You’re wearing a black shirt.”

Partner 2: “I’m wearing a black shirt.”

P1: “You’re wearing a black shirt.”

P2: “I’m wearing a black shirt.”

The intention is to drop in to the moment and say what you see. If I’m on the receiving end, then, I repeat the phrase, but I let my tone & body language guide the essence of my response.

Partner 1: “You’re nervous.”

Partner 2: “I’m nervous.”

P1: “You’re nervous.”

P2: “I’m nervous.”

By the 3rd time of being identified as being “nervous,” Partner 2’s admission often turns to frustration…

Partner 1: “You’re nervous.”

Partner 2: “Yeah, I’m nervous!!!”

P1: “Oh, now you’re frustrated.”

P2: “Yeah! I’m frustrated.”

The repetition changes the dynamic of the interaction. Because the interaction remains fluid...ever-changing... in each moment. Hanging on to what my partner said last time means that I’m missing what’s happening this time. I have to stay fully present to see what’s actually happening.

The magic stems from the repetition. Like repeating a song on Spotify, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th listen will produce a different experience than it did the 1st time. A new reaction will inevitably surface, unless the participant disassociates and becomes dead to the encounter.

This disassociation can (& does) happen. Then, the interaction becomes one of “Dummy Repetition.” The words are repeated, but they’re lifeless. There’s no authentic emotion behind what’s being said.

This got me thinking about the routines of daily life. As a creature of habit, I can find myself playing the same workout routine, breakfast smoothie recipe, or conversation topics on repeat. There’s comfort in this repetition. However, the monotony can also lead me to becoming lifeless.

• “Getting through” the workout that used to push me

• Mindlessly slurping down the smoothie that used to be so tasty

• Referencing scripted responses that used to be original in deep & nuanced conversation

There’s comfort in this repetition. I’m less likely to be surprised. I'm convincing myself, "I’ve done this before, so I generally know how this will go."

But, if I’m not careful, then I can get stuck in a rut of “Dummy Repetition” in my life. Repeating the same day over & over & over… mindless… lifeless.

• The same commute

• The same job tasks during the week

• The same bars on the weekend

Defaulting to these activities because my rut is so deep that I can’t even see the other options that exist. I can’t even see that I have the power to choose something different. Because inertia is a powerful & blinding force.

To invoke a proverb:

"But, Mr. Cowper, how do I crop dust my daily veggies with some spicy variety? Where can I find the cayenne pepper?"

A few of my tactics:

1. Asking myself the question: “When’s the last time you did something for the first time?” When the answer becomes, “I don’t remember.” Then, it’s time for me to change it up. I jump on the next opportunity to do something I’ve never done. Maybe it’s taking a run to Central Park to catch a leaf. Maybe it’s as simple as trying out a new coffee shop or a novel genre. Maybe it’s signing up for an acting class.

2. I go on an Artist’s Date. This habit has required me to think outside-the-box on a weekly basis. What have I “always wanted to do” but have also convinced myself “I don’t have time for that”? Maybe it’s going to a museum, or a movie, or just taking a walk through the city. There’s no wrong answer here. All I have to do is be present to what my Inner Artist (read: inner child) actually wants to do.

3. I keep the structure of my routine, but mix up its contents. Small changes to change up the sequence or the flavor of what I’d be doing anyways. It becomes a mini experiment while still adhering to my life’s everyday constraints.

Experimental Content Mix-Ups:

• I row instead of running on the treadmill

• I add blueberries to my smoothie instead of the everyday banana

• I trade out “I’m good” for an honest response to the question of “How are you?”

• I commute on a Citi bike when I spent the past month taking the subway

• I schedule walking meetings when I'd normally default to doing them in the office

• I host a dinner & game night rather than going to Radio Bar or 205 Club

And who knows… this experimenting might just uncover a new routine that I like even better!

Again, there’s magic in the repetition.

If I’m introducing an intentionally-repetitive activity, then I use the repetition to my advantage. Because the magic of the repetition is unlocked when the content within the structure is constantly updated. So, I construct built-in resets that encourage me to "change-it-up." 

(“Change-it-up” is a classic phrase for hockey coaches. Hockey coaches make me think of Herb Brooks. Herb Brooks makes me think of his "Not Tonight" pregame speech in Miracle. Bet you didn't think this piece would include such an electric reference!)

For example, writing 3 Morning Pages, doing Morning Mantras, or setting my Monthly Habits.

• I write about new topics every day in my Morning Pages. Lord knows, my stream of consciousness isn’t saying the same thing daily. And the only way to reach 3 pages is to write what my mind genuinely wants to say.

• I change up the content of my Morning Mantras, depending on what’s resonating at the moment.

• I come up with fresh monthly habits to experiment with in my habit journal. I might carry over the ones that are working (or ones that I want to keep testing), but I always come up with new ones each month.

This approach grants me the power of the repetition, while preventing me from falling in to the monotonous Rut of Routine.

P.S. - publishing this in the afternoon in an attempt to add some spicy variety to my own routine ;)