Sorry

On Day 1 of my acting class, we were doing the Meisner Technique of having to repeat exactly what your partner says. When two of my classmates were up, they got stuck in this loop of saying, “Sorry” to each other on repeat for about 3 minutes. (It was actually a display of exceptional endurance.) Over the course of those 3 minutes, I’m pretty sure I heard every variety of “Sorry” that there is.

That got me thinking about how many ways I say “Sorry” over the course of my day.

I realized I tend to say “Sorry” to strangers quite regularly.

Amongst the New York hustle & bustle, it’s common to brush into someone or inconvenience them in some way. So, a quick “Sorry” is a part of my everyday lexicon. It’s an automated response to front-run any potential confrontation.

I’d rather not deal with the shame of hearing “Hey! You just bumped me!“ or “[Honk-Honk] Get out of my way!!!” So, I offer up the “Sorry” preemptively, then carry on my merry way.

Those “Sorry’s” come easy to me because I don’t view those interactions as having a lasting reflection on my identity.

Meanwhile, the “Sorrys” that would really move the needle, the ones that I really mean, are often left unsaid. Those are the ones that are sooooo hard for my ego to offer.

You know what I’m talking about…

The times when I made a critical mistake.

The times when I know that my actions hurt someone.

The times when I regret what I did.

Somehow, in those cases, I rarely let the “Sorry” escape.

My ego just can’t take it.

My ego is unwilling to release my self-review as a “perfect person.”

My ego just can’t admit out loud that… I’m human.

But when I let my ego win, then I’m missing the opportunity for reconciliation. I’m bypassing the chance to rebuild the bridge of connection.

So, now, I’m reframing the act of apologizing with the intention of encouraging myself to do it more often.

Here’s the new belief:

It is love. Because it’s a first step towards reconnection.

Granted, offering an apology doesn’t mean that the other person will immediately accept it. They have to make their own choice of whether or not to forgive.

But here’s a related belief:

And it is love. It’s also a sign of immense strength.

My new approach is inspired by Richard Rohr’s question:

P.S….

BadNews: Last night, I was walking home and I heard a blind man say, “I’m sorry” to a pedestrian who knocked into his walking stick because they were staring at their phone. He said, “I’m sorry”!!!!!!

GoodNews: when he approached the intersection, he sent a request into the void: “Can anyone help me cross the street?” A woman immediately stepped up & offered her arm. Beautiful moment of humanity.