Sympathetic Joy

I love the practice of sympathetic joy. Mudita, as the Buddhists call it. It’s a code break for happiness.

The reframe transforms the false belief that sympathy is only something we can share when someone is sad. But it doesn’t have to only be a diminishing, drag-down practice. We can also share the feelings of happiness. We can be in communion with emotions when another person is glad.

In doing so, I benefit. This practice is in my best interest!

If one of my friends gets a promotion, then I can share in the joy that they’re feeling. I don’t have to choose envy. I don’t have to internalize the belief that it “should’ve been me.”

How does that belief serve me? Envy doesn’t feel good. And it tends to be a precursor to greed. Neither of those emotions are what I want to experience. So, why not avoid ‘em in the first place?

My brother just bought a home. It’s been a lifelong dream for him, so he’s rolling in a sense of accomplishment.

Now, I get the benefit of sharing this experience.

I don’t have to just be happy for him, I can also be happy with him. His elation can elevate me.

I don’t have to “keep up with the Bradfords” by going out & buying a house of my own.

Why make it a competition? I don’t have a desire to make a new home purchase. That’s not honest action for me at the moment. I’m squarely content with my lil square apartment.

But, just because I don’t want his accomplishment for myself, doesn’t mean I can’t share in his happiness with him. I don’t even have to evaluate the “rightness” or the “wrongness” of his decision. He’s happy with it. That’s all that matters to me.

He’s happy. So, I’m happy. I’m sharing in the good feelings he’s feelin’.

By doing so, this saves me the time, money, & energy of new home acquisition. Now I don’t have to spend my resources in this way. I’ve felt what that accomplishment feels like. I’ve felt it through him.

There’s a power in living vicariously through someone, especially when what they’re doing is living in unique alignment for them.

It’s an attitude of:

“I’m so happy you’re happy. It fills me with joy to see your desires get met, even if what you desire isn’t exactly what I want (at least not yet).”

I try to keep this in mind with the endless Instagram posts during wedding season.

Am I craving the love that the newlyweds have and the attention they’re getting? Or am I content on my path, content to be waiting for the right person? Even if I think, “I want what they have,” can I still be happy for them? Can I still be happy with them? Can I celebrate their happiness, while letting it permeate my own experience?

Envy doesn’t serve me.

Joy elevates me.

How will I choose to exercise my sympathy?