Thank you... my apologies

“I’m sorry” can be an automatic response for many of us. Sometimes, the desire to please others, while trying not to piss them off, can lead to this default-to-apologizing instinct.

However, the unnecessarily excessive apology can put the recipient in a weird position, especially if they weren’t at all offended.

Think about when someone started incessantly apologizing to you, but you weren’t really bothered by their actions. Now, it feels as if you have to rescue them from their misery they’re self-inflicting:

• “OMG! No-no! It’s totally OK!”

• “Please don’t apologize. No worries.”

• “Seriously, it’s no big deal. No need to apologize.”

Don’t get me wrong - I’m all for apologizing. After all, I believe apologizing is an act of love.

However, I also believe that we’re so quick to become apologetic that we miss opportunities to inject gratitude & appreciation into situations.

Example Situation: I’m 10 minutes late for a meeting because the trains were delayed.

Now, which version would you most want to be on the receiving end of?

1. An apology: “I’m so sorry for being late. The trains were delayed. I got here as fast as I could.”

2. An appreciation: “Thank you for your patience. The trains were delayed. I got here as fast as I could.”

3. An apology + appreciation: “I’m sorry for being late, but thank you for being patient.“

I’m partial to #2 or #3, depending on the context. (Also, a 10min meeting delay would fall in the “inconsequential” category for me.)

I’d rather have my patience appreciated than watch my friend self-inflict shame.

There’s no right answer to the question.

It’s all personal preference.

I would just encourage you to say what you would want to hear.

To give what you would want to receive.

So, if you answered #2 or #3, then, maybe test out a “Thank you for X” instead of just saying “I’m sorry”.